Ralph Snart Adventures Volume 1 Issue 2
Publisher: NOW Comics
Published: July 1986
Editors: Tony Caputo and Marc Hansen
Art/story: Marc Hansen
Cover: Marc Hansen
Ralph Snart's head has exploded, but Dr. Kreegon sweeps up his grey matter and whips it back into his skull, reconnecting "millions of neural endings" in the process. In Ralph's dream world, he escapes his pursuers in a crazy futuristic society by jumping from the top of one skyscraper to another. He hides out for the night, and in the morning he comes upon Fid, a zany wook salesman. (A wook is a strange looking two legged animal used for transportation). Fid is a slick salesman, but Ralph can't cut a deal anyways because he has no money. Fid ends up giving Ralph his worst wook (with a bad case of diareah) for one bus token.
Out on the trail, Ralph finds a strange two legged creature hiding inside his saddlebag. Ralph and his two companions continue out into the countryside, the Wook's diarrhea cured by a healthy diet of grasses and gravel. They come upon the lair of the goofy Professor Dizzy, who blasts the trespassers with his photon burp beam. Dizzy realizes an ancient skull he has found is that of Ralph Snart, and says he will tear Ralph apart "piece by piece" to see how he got into Dizzy's epoch of time. Angered, Ralph and his companions break out of Dizzy's makeshift cell, and kick his ass. They escape by jumping into a time warp bubble.
Ralph's companions go elsewhere, but Ralph smashes into the ground of earth five million years ago. He is discovered by an alien couple visiting earth. They discard his fractured skull and fabricate a new titanium cranium. (probably the skull Dizzy later discovers). The aliens attempt to tame Ralph to take home as a pet, but he trips up one of them and steals their spaceship. He enters another time warp bubble, and ends up in New York City in 1954.
Meanwhile, in reality, Ralph is recovering from brain surgery at the Montgomery Home for the really insane. He is mistaken for a defected KGB agent by two other KGB agents who kidnap him and take him back to Mother Russia. The KGB hooks Ralph up to their psycho ray, which will read his thouhgts and uncover the secrets of the defected KGB agent. The story ends with Ralph's brain sending super strong messages to the psycho ray, and the KGB realizing they have the wrong man.
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE: Little Ralphie, pt. 2, in which Ralph is at the beach, and uncovers the secret hiding place of a wild pack of alien spies. They are running off with Ralph when his parents spot them. This pisses off Ralph's father, and he turns into a huge muscle bound monster who kicks the aliens asses. The story ends with an impressed Ralph telling his pop that "he's his hero".