Ralph Snart: The Lost Issues No. 3

Publisher: NOW Comics
Published: June 1993
Title: Untitled
Editors: Tony Caputo and Joan Weis
Writer: Patrick Williams
Artists: Charles Senties, Tim Estiloz and Patrick Williams
Cover: Holly Sanfelippo and Suzanne Dechnik
Colorists: Tom Richmond and Jim Brozman

The police surround the bingo center where Massey has killed 37 people inside, and they think Ralph, playing bingo by himself amongst the carnage, is the real killer. Ralph tries to escape out the roof, but the evil Mr. Head of Backwash Brewery sweeps him up and into a helicopter. On the floor of the helicopter, Ralph enters his dreamstate.

In his dream, Ralph has a job working for an escort service owned by Mr. Lizarde' (who is Mr. Lizard with a cheesy looking mustache). Ralph has an assignment to escort the rich, disgusting fat hag, Mrs. Bladderstone. While Ralph is out with her, Mr. Lizarde' sneaks into her house to steal a huge diamond. Just as Mr. Lizarde' is leaving though, Ralph and Mrs. Bladderstone return. She goes upstairs and returns with an arsenal of weapons strapped on, and Ralph's dream ends as she blows off his head!

Back in reality, the evil Mr. Head of Backwash Brewery is about to throw Ralph into some high voltage wires above a vat of beer, but Ralph grabs a railing with his teeth, and Head falls onto the wires and into the vat of beer. He then turns into a 200 foot-tall beer suds monster, who proceeds to chase Ralph (and everyone else in the neighboorhood) down the streets of Chicago.

Meanwhile, Holly and H.P. Lar are enjoying their honeymoon at a local motel, when she notices the news on TV, with a live shot of the suds monster chasing Ralph Snart. She then notices that Ralph has dark eyebrows, and the man she is with (Lar) has blonde eyebrows. She then decides to go downtown and kill Ralph.

She grabs her arsenal of weapons and gets into a Rambo type outfit. She slaughters H.P. Lar and leaves the motel. She then immediately commandeers Lux's limo (which just happens to be driving by). Herself, Lux and Massey arrive downtown, and she exits the limo and begins spraying the crowd with bullets. Ralph finds himself trapped between her and the suds monster, but just then, the sun comes out, and the suds monster goes "flat" and dies.

Holly begins to chase Ralph again, killing innocent bystanders, but always missing Ralph. Eventually, she runs out of bullets, whilst Ralph is on the ground shielding himself behind a nun. Massey instantly comes over and proposes to Holly, and they run off in Lux's limo to be married. The Nun Ralph was hiding behind smacks him with a 2x4. Then a big fat hag comes along and steps on Ralph. He looks up, and is lovestruck (with the fat hag).

Interesting Facts: This is the fourth and final issue of Ralph Snart Adventures not written or drawn by Marc Hansen.

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